Selfish poor little me!

After so much dreaming and planning of what my day of Christmas would be like with my kids and family- once again reality slapped me in my face to what the world is really like. Let me rewind!

Christmas night was so nice as Todd and his family (minus Collin as he went to his dad's) came and they spent the night. I then kept Lily for the next 5 days. The day after when Todd had gone on home, Laurie and Brin showed up and spent the night- she had friends in town to see. What fun it was to have them here even tho I was missing John and Collin and they weren't here together it was a wonderful "present".

I had decided years ago not to infringe on my kids Christmas because I had a Mother-in-law that was a pain about ALWAYS having it on Christmas day and my mother never got to see us. Since my kids do not live here I let them pick the day they can all come and I can have my little family all together. This is MY dream.

Since they picked the 12th  and thought they were all staying the night I asked them to come at noon and the rest of my family to come at 3pm and we would ALL BE TOGETHER in one spot. I had visions of sugar plums dancing in my head. I was dreaming up photos we were going to take and it was going to be JUST like all those Hallmark movies I watched over the holidays.

So here is what the day really looked like---  I was amazed everyone was healthy and could come -Todd and family got to my house about noon. Laurie and John had some delays and were looking at being here about 2.... OK I will adapt to this. We will still have time. Collin and Lily eat some lunch and we tried to keep them out of the presents but they were getting more and more restless and wound up. This in turn get my son wound up. I said something about the weather getting bad that night and Todd said we need to go early then and I said - WHAT! I thought you were staying? He said I can work for double overtime so we are not staying - MY vision was getting dimmer. Laurie, John and Brin and the 2 dogs showed up about 2:20 and Collin and Lily were jumping allover John and right in Brinley's face. I was upset with them for being so late and not knowing what to do with my anger I went and sat in the bathroom for about 10 minutes to bite my tongue. I had so much I wanted to say but I know if I do it will only make things worse. Having my feeling hurt does not give me a reason to take it out on them.

Then it happened. Letting Brinley warm up to to everyone- she was a little shy and whiny but after about 25 minutes she was walking around and seemed ready to get into some presents. Laurie and I were standing by her and she seemed to gurgle... we both looked at her and it happened- projectile vomiting!! All over her and the floor, not once but twice. You either ran to her or as the others did ran away from her. We took another 20-25 minutes and she seemed fine. thinking it was just the ride or something she ate we started the presents. Just as we got started my nephew showed up.... a few minutes later my brother and his wife walked in the door and stated he had a sore throat. GREAT!!!! We got through Collin, Lily, and Lucy's presents. Brinley opened a few but didn't seem to interested and then all at once projectile again - all over Laurie and Brin. This time they took her to the basement and she feel asleep.

When we got that all cleaned up Collin is sitting on a bench and states that he has diarrhea. WHAT!!!! At this point I looked at my brother and said to them- maybe you need to call Alex and tell them not to come. He has a 4 month old baby and I didn't think she needed to be in this bad comedy! I also looked at Daniel and said- if I was you I would run! He did!! and Kirk and Robin left too as Kirk said I feel like crap anyway!

So around 6pm as Todd and family left with the kids crying they wanted to stay and it sleeting- they drove home. Brinley seemed to be weak but was not throwing up anymore and it was quite. Trixie the cat came out of hiding just long enough for the dogs to hear her bell and run back up the stairs to chase her- We all headed to bed. I laid in bed and realized just  how crazy my dream was when you have 2 kids that don't live in the same town as you, they have 2 babies and 2 small children, and it is a bad flu season.

When I was running this playback in my head I realized how many I I I I ME ME ME MY MY MY's I was saying.... I planned, My dream, Hurt me. Sometimes I feel so overlooked by my kids but that is my problem. They have their own lives- I know they love me- and I know God loves me! Enough said. Get over myself!
The impromptu time I had with them right after Christmas was the best present ever. I need to get over the fact that my kids may not be here at the same time... I need to accept this. 

New Year- New ME?

It is a sparkling new year outside. 2013.... is this good or bad, I am not sure at this point. I do know I don't trust odd numbered years as most of the bad things that happened to me occurred on odd years but now with my children it seems that it happens on any year.
Laurie is getting used to the idea that she no longer is working at Vandover and Todd is still (maybe) looking at surgery on his shoulder after his accident. It is hard being a mother even at this age.
Christmas was wonderful as the kids, even tho they came at different times, all were here for me. I kept Lily for 5 days and took her home on Sunday. I then continued to get a cold from someone and my nose is full. I hate being under the weather but I guess it can always be worse. I usually stay healthy so this is unusual for me to not feel good. I am still looking forward to having them all here on the 12th to open the few presents that I got for them.
 I guess I am feeling a little melancholy about this new year. I feel no different yet the new year will make me a year older (and wiser?) and I will see many changes that will occur in the family. What is it going to bring? No one knows for sure but I can only pray that it is for the better and that it will all be a blessing from our wonderful Father in Heaven. I trust that he will take care of us all.
Happy New Year to all who read this and I am hoping for PEACE for all.

This has been a summer to remember

It seems like every way I turn I have a friend in a crisis. Lord- what is going on??? Talking to Deby the other day I realized that we do not give the devil enough credit for how strong he is and what he can do. Sometimes I feel like he is no big deal because so many times the bad things that happen to us are our own doings in many ways.
 In some of the things that are affecting my friends it is not that at all. There are health issues, partners not on the same page and even my gripe- the heat and drought- I think are not things we don't have any control over but it is straight from hell.
I was fortunate to sit with a friends husband on Thursday as his wife and my friend was in surgery. It was a tender and vulnerable time in his life and what an honor to hear of his fears at what was happening in their life but listening to him talk about his growing faith with what was going on.
God is Good- God is strong and God will never leave us. What a foundation to stand on.

O Lord I am tired- but in a good way!

It has been a fun 5 days but I am not sure who is more tired... my grandkids or me! They are laying on the floor this morning watching Babes in Toyland and for them to be laying I know they are tired. We have been swimming every day at the Y, we have painted a few items and just hung out and enjoyed each other. I need to take them home in a little bit but first we need to go to the $ store and buy a frame to put Collin's picture in from Church camp.
I am so lucky to have these little ones in my life. I am seeing them fall in love with our Lord and Savior and what a wonderful thing to see. They love to go to Sunday school and little Lily says a prayer before we eat. After the service Sunday I even had them sign the pledge sheet out in foyer. I feel that they are a part of this church now too and that makes me smile and I have to think that it makes God smile too. And that is all I want - to be able to make God smile and be proud of what I do.....

What a difference a day makes

Had one of those pity party weeks and glad it is over. I was overwhelmed with life and I realize now it was just LIFE! B-U-T it was not the life I wanted or imagined. It was a week of sorrow and pain and hurt for friends in my life who were and still are hurting.
I feel better this week but my friends are still dealing with all their issues... illness, death of a loved one, sorrow. I see now how I am allowed to feel better so I can be more help to my friends and encourage them.

A real miracle happened this week in the middle of all this... a grandbaby that was wanted for the last 15 years was conceived by a couple and then they found out that it had a tumor on it 's neck. Prognosis was not good...After many prayers it was born and the tumor " practically fell off" and surgery was done and baby is fine. Nothing short of a miracle...

so Sunday comes and I am in church- Praise God I can just go and hold my hands up and give it all to you. Worship! It doesn't get any better than this.

Wednesday I have my daughter coming with grand daughter Brinley and I am going up Iowas to get Collin and Lily. Collin has day camp through MPCC and I am so happy that my grandkids are loving this God that is so good to me and everyone I know.

Praise him - all blessing will flow.

Today will not be a good day, or at least this morning. I am saying goodbye - a final goodbye- to a friend that I have had for over 25 years. He fought a good fight with cancer but it won. I hate that. He was only 62 and not old enough to be gone from here.
But really are we ever old enough? It seems like there is always more that we would like to do or day or experience before we go. What is even stranger "I" have no problem looking to my last day but I just don't want my friends to go before me. Pretty selfish HUH? :-)
That is why this site is so helpful.... I now see how silly I am.
So Mike - I hate that you are no longer her and in this world but I am so glad that you are in heaven -with 2 good strong legs again and a body that is worthy to be in the presences of a KING!
I await the day I join you!

does this work

I am hoping that I finally got the blog thing right..... I am really struggling- not just with this but things that are happening in my life right now. I -myself am OK- it is just so much illness and death around me that I hit a wall.
I do realize that is one of the hazards of having so many friends, at some point there is going to be issues but right now I feel unprepared to handle it. Have you ever felt like that? I think today I am going to get on my knee and really pour it all out to God and just feel....
Looking forward to tonight as I join a new bible study group that has been together for quite some time. Pray I feel the bond and hear the words I need....
Blessings to you today!